We have heard all the tips and tricks about setting our goals and how we must see them through. Many motivation speeches have been laid out about setting goals. But, do we agree that setting goals and following them through all the way to achieving them are different things?

It is easy to come up with a list of things we want to achieve, but not so easy to go through with them. As we go on, we will realise that most of them tend to be unachievable, leaving us with tones of unfinished business on our to-do-lists. There are easy steps that may help cure this issue. Below are a few things to consider when setting your goals. You may take them all, or what seems to work for you.

How important is your goal?

It is easy to keep up with things we feel are useful or important to us. When a goal or task see to be unimportant, it is easily brushed off or left to be done at another time. Meaning, it can be easily buried under procrastination. But is you set clear goals and have some level of importance attached to it, it becomes easy and motivating to keep it going.

Are you emotionally attached to your goal?

Emotional attachment also helps you determine the importance of what you want to achieve. You can start by asking yourself questions like, how will achieving this goal make you feel? It is easy for people to work on things that are mean to bring them happiness or boost their confidence with time. Take for example when someone is on their weight-loss journey. They manage to work-out their way to ideal weight because they have emotional attachment to their program.

Is it meant to change or improve your life?

It is natural to always want to change one or all aspects of your life. Change is the one goal we are almost all chasing. Setting your goals with a positive change in mind gives you something to look forward to. When a specific goal is meant to bring some development, it tends to bring excitement that drives and motivates you.

Is your goal reasonable and achievable?

We often shoot ourselves in the foot by setting unreasonable goals that are almost impossible to achieve. A reasonable goal is one that you know you are capable of doing. You cannot set a goal of buying a car when you are financially incapacitated. Examples of reasonable goals span from finishing a project you are already working on or starting a project and you know you have the resources and knowledge needed to work on it.

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Growing up we used to have a clap-back for the boys who would tout at us. “Usuzithande waqeda yini usuzothanda mina?”, meaning “have you loved yourself enough before you decided to love me?”. Back then, it was just us telling the boys to “buzz off!”. But, as we grew older and looking back at it now, we realise there was more meaning to it than we realised. This was not just a simple question, and it raises so many questions and meaning into it. Do you love yourself enough to know you can love someone else? Do you care for yourself enough to know you have enough care for others? Before you pour into others, is your cup full?

Time and again, life lessons have proven to us that you cannot give what you do not have, nor act upon something, when your energy is depleted. The same applies to personal relationships. Building a healthy relationship requires you to be healthy yourself in the first place. You cannot take care of others, while you also need care for yourself. The phrase “you cannot pour from an empty cup” has a lot to do with self care. If anything, it should be the first rule when it comes to building and maintaining relationships. Take care of yourself first, before you can take care of others. The same goes in love. You cannot love others when you do not love yourself.

When you are depleted you cannot offer our best selves to the world. You have to be mindful of our own needs and ensure that you are taking care of ourselves first. This means taking time for self-care, getting enough rest and eating a healthy diet. It also means taking time for the things you enjoy, such as spending time with friends and family or engaging in hobbies.

It is also important to recognise when you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed. This can be a sign that you are in need of some self-care and it is important to take the time to focus on your own needs. When things get overwhelming and you cannot seem to catch up with your own self, take a break from what demands the most of you. Disconnect from the hustle and bustle of life, and catch your breath. This will help you reset and restore your personal energy. It does not have to cost you so much.

The most important to remember is that you cannot give what you do not have. Unless you refill what has been depleted, you cannot continue giving. You cannot pour from an empty cup. You have to make sure to take care of yourself so that you can give your best to the world. Besides, how will you know how to love and care for others, when you do not know how to do it to yourself? Unless, if you are toxic.

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There was a time in my life when I lost direction. I forgot my purpose because of circumstances and tough situations I was going through. I took giving up as the best option. I became suicidal because I felt like I had noone, even if I was surrounded by a lot of people.

Suddenly, something from within softly spoke to me. It enlightened me about how strong I was, stronger than the problems I was facing that were meant to make me even stronger. I don’t know if this is going to sound crazy. I looked into the mirror and I got myself together. I was willing to completely die to any form of me that I had been, so that I would birth the woman that I was becoming. I was willing to get out of any toxic relationship I was involved in. I was willing to walk alone. I allowed myself to feel the pain after falling, and became bold enough to keep moving with one broken leg, I had to better limp for miles than to not get up.

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Dear strong woman….
It’s okay to be not okay
It’s okay to feel like you are the only one living an awful life
Falling can be an option when you feel weak, but what is important is getting up and resuming your journey from the last step you had, but before you get up, check out for what made you fall.

I want you to realise that you have not come this far to only come this far. You have not invested so much time, dedication and hard work in creating something huge for yourself and in turning your dreams into reality only to give up.

Don’t you dare think about giving up!

You could be only a day away from succeeding. This life is yours to deal with. Only you have to choose weather you want it to be a failure or success.

Sooner or later, you’ll just be fine.

Stop spending time planning on what you are gonna so after failing,rather focus on making your dreams a reality, focus on making something work and push forward. The reason why most women don’t become what they want is that they are too attached to who they have been and yet you hear it all the time when they say I’ve always been like this. They let situations define them. They become what the world is persiving them to be and let their dreams fade away in the process. They unknowingly give up in their future.

I want you to realise that making your dreams a reality is supposed to put you to trial over and over again. It is supposed to hurt. Imagine pouring your heart into something and you don’t see it happen the way you had planned it. It surely hurts. This is the point where others choose to throw in the towel. #DARE TO BE DIFFERENT

This is where the grit comes in, you gotta keep going even if you don’t see any changes!
Just be the best version of yourself, leverage the lioness traits in you and never give up.

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How would I ideally describe myself, in an interview or first date? I need a description that will represent who I am in a nutshell. One that would paint a picture and leave no questions to be asked. Mmmmmmh….”Young, gifted and black.”

Yes that is it!

For I can say this proudly, without a shadow of doubt nor fear. These three words describe just who I am! Young, Gifted and Black! However, I just cannot help but go back to that gloomy yet sunshiny day in 1969, as I picture it in my head of course lol! That time in the studio when Nina Simmons thought to pen the lines, “To be young gifted and black, oh what a lovely precious dream”.

A dream, for in that world she had grown up in, being black was nothing to be proud of, being “gifted and black” did not go hand in hand in a sentence. God forbid it, it was something unheard of! Popular belief was people of color could never be better or more intelligent, sum it up “gifted” than their fair skin counterparts.

Now decades later that is to a point a thing of the past. We now have a lot of young gifted and black individuals who are thriving. Unfortunately, we still do struggle with racism till date hence the rise in Black Lives Matter movements. Black Lives indeed matter that is a no brainer! Fundamentally, don’t they need to matter “first” to us as Black Africans though?  Should this not be the case before the rest of the world can get onboard and appreciate the true essence of the Black African society?

Xenophobia for example, took the world by storm, no one saw such an injustice coming. How can fellow black man fight, kill and torture one another? How can we as a society of African Black people kill each other solely because we do not share a language or culture? Ludicrous!  Are we saying black lives matter only when we feel a white person has treated us unfairly? Are we just in a habit of pulling the racist card at the white man but fail to question our fellow brother or sister’s actions when they torture and kill another fellow African man?

“You can’t hate the roots of a tree and not hate the tree. You can’t hate Africa and not hate yourself.’ Malcom X

Malcom X directed this to each and every race in the world including blacks, when we kill, torture, rob, rape, falsely accuse and exploit our fellow African men, we go against our heritage and who we are. Certainly, we cannot do this without actually hating the man we see in the mirror.

It is against this background I wonder if being young, gifted and black will continue to be something admirable in future.

For I question what legacy we are leaving behind for our offspring? Will they be proud to be young gifted and black or they will struggle with a seed we as their forefathers and mothers have planted? One where we have double standards and are hypocrites when dealing with a black and white man. One where we as a society (African) cannot love, help and seize exploiting one another.

Being, young, gifted and black has seized being merely just a dream when we consider how far we have come as black African people. Let us not then make the struggle for freedom which was fought for us by our heroes be one which was done in vain.

To be young, gifted and black, let us live it, breathe it and set an example of how it ought to feel and be, by being kinder, loving and more caring to our own. Once we achieve this, the rest of the world will follow suit.

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” I’m every woman it’s all in me. Anything you want done baby, I’ll do it naturally.”

These lyrics by Chaka Khan ring true to every woman and self-proclaimed feminist out there. Through them, women have felt empowered and thrived to be the best they can be. In fact, we have witnessed over the years, breakthroughs taking place for females. All confirming that there are indeed strides being taken towards the emancipation of women. However, I feel along the way, the true meaning of the song got blurred and lost thereby causing women to exert unnecessary pressure on themselves.


Through this song, women have felt the need to live up to unattainable standards. Stay at home moms for example have felt inadequate due to the notion that being a career woman whose juggling family and business projects while looking like a supermodel are all attributes of an ideal woman. So ideal, she can do all this “naturally”. However, is there such a thing?  What is an ideal woman? What group or groups of women deserve being celebrated? Do we need to be every woman to impress men, the world and most of all ourselves? Can we not be worth celebrating as women with all our flaws and incapabilities?


Evidently, we need to see a shift in the world and it can only come about if we as women change our mind-set. We constantly fight for equality but somehow have become the ones driving the numbers of young ladies with low self-esteem through the roof. In a bid to see women being viewed as equals we have sold a dream that is unattainable. One that proves to be a cause for a migraine for whomever tries to make it a reality. This needs to stop!! With May being the month we celebrate Mothers, I believe it is also the time to reflect and picture the kind of world we want for females.

Cue in the role of mothers.

Mothers need to be the driving force towards educating their daughters that whilst the world is their oyster, they will be celebrated regardless of their career choices, fashion choices, body type, skin type, relationship choices and religion choice. Daughters need to be taught that they need not to conform or settle. They need to be educated that they do not have to trash something in order to validate an opinion. One does not need to trash weaves to promote natural African hair, nor trash talk curvy women to promote the slender ones, find fault in Christianity in order to promote being a Muslim or trash talk the boy child in order to promote the girl child. That blowing out another’s candle will not make your candle burn brighter. They need to understand that each and everyone is special in their own unique way.

We need women who are strong so they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.” – Kavita Ramdas

Kudos to all our mothers and future mothers for the great job they are doing and are yet to do. Let us however, take it a step further by helping mould a future that we desire for the next generation. One where we will see a decrease in self-esteem issues, a future where the girl child can set out to be whatever and whomever she sees fit without going an extra mile to fit in.

We can achieve this as mothers by laying a foundation for a bigger, better and brighter future for our children. This foundation entails being a strong woman as a mother, believing and living the culture we seek to instil in our daughters. If we get this right, in that future, mothers will be celebrated, remembered and cherished with the chant “I’m every woman it’s all in me. Anything you want done baby, I’ll do it naturally.

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Do not be afraid to show the world who you are, you are capable of numerous things; do not be narrow-minded about your purpose in life. You are the future, just choose your greatest desire and make something of it. There is a reason why the use of the word “impossible” has decreased over the last 50 years; we are making the “impossible” possible. Let not anyone look down upon you, do not take heed to the words they say, they will not empower you.

You are more than just a female human being. There is more to life than waiting for your period or for your breasts to form and your hips to grow. There is so much more to the household than just the kitchen and the laundry room. Why are focusing on the aspects of your physical being which is natural? It comes naturally; fret not what the outcome will be. Focus on your emotional, spiritual and mental state. It is time to make something of you. If only you knew that you can run the show too, you are the producer to your own blockbuster. You can be a role model, a friend, a sister, a teacher and a wife too.  It all begins with you.

Let not these stereotypes get in your head, you cannot become them, you are there to prove them all wrong. I praise you Girl Child/Woman. Most people are ignorant to the actual importance of you. They think that you are just there to satisfy the needs of the man and children. They think all you know are pots and pans, raising the children that you did not have alone.

That is only a fraction of your true abilities. There is a long list of opportunities for you. Ignorance is not your identity. Girl Child/Woman are you listening? Do you understand your worth? Do you know that the Men rely on you? Do you know that you could spread your wings and fly? You are a complete circle, you have no corners neither do you have an end. Your cycle goes on and on, you are eternal. You are not the semi circles that the squares think you are, you are complete.

Let no man tell you, you are beneath him. Let no man treat you like you are. Let no man take credit for your innovative ideas. Let no man play with your heart and feelings, you are not a violin. No one should strum the strings to your soul and play off-key. Your soul is a symphony that can only be orchestrated by the one who understands and praises your work.

This is your world, this is your playground…society should not dictate how you are to behave. If you can sing, sing your melody to the concert hall. If you can cook, feed millions. If you can seal the deal, build your empire. If you can think rationally, be the judge of the court. If you can design, bring your project to life.

Remember that you matter. You are the past, the present and the future. You are not the pathetic being you hear those against you say. You are the beginning of it all. I look up to you Girl Child/Woman; I respect you, most importantly… I AM ONE OF YOU.

“It took me a while to develop my voice and now that I have it, I am NOT going to be silent.” –unknown

Yours Truly

One of You

By Simphie Thoughts

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“But there’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark

You should know you are beautiful just the way you are.

And you don’t have to change a thing

The world can change its heart

No scars to your beautiful, we are stars and we are beautiful”

  1. Too many time as beings, we feel the need to live up to expectations that aren’t even our own. The life of a prisoner on death row characterises our very existence; getting up reluctantly every morning. Trapped in a cell numbered ‘LIFE’.

Dull concrete wall on all three sides the fourth being steel bars, a dull ceiling, cold concrete floors and then you have the little grimy window. So puny this casement, recollection of when you last counted or saw the stars proves impossible. Counting days to your execution is what you are accustomed to.

“I did not do it” or “It’s not my fault I am here, the world is to blame” or “I have a disability and I wasn’t able” are phrases you utter like an incantation in the hope they will stick and give a desired effect, yet no, it is not magic. Reality is you refuse to own your mistakes.

There is no denying that the world can indeed be a cold place. Where one often finds themselves surrounded by people who terminate the fire and soul they once had to a point the recognition of “self” in the mirror seizes.

The new born full of life you once were is robbed of its eccentricities and authenticities over a period, ultimately alienating you from the being you instinctually was born to be. Realisatnion of this fact gives birth to loathing of life in its entirety. As though one has been in slumber, the food, career path, relationships, hobbies the works are suddenly not fulfilling. There is a void.

Evidently, along the way; somehow, somewhere, you allowed the world to dictate what is Hot and Not, what body type, skin color, hair texture, career route, financial status is “right”. You let the world classify you based on your disability and not capability. In the quest to fit in, you attempted to change who you are and now you find yourself on death row for this crime.

Life is BLEAK! Bleak with an execution date. However, lying in your cell a few minutes before you are put to death, those last critical moments of solitude, you mutter, “Believe life eventually asks kindly”, with glowing eyes, excitement and a new found passion you repeat;






The word B.L.E.A.K suddenly has a new meaning. You were expecting and execution but have been granted a resurrection! Life asks; “Who are you? What are your dreams, strengths and goals? “Are you sure your disability hinders you going after your dreams?  Why not get up, out of this imaginary cell and start living?

  1. “You change your life by changing your heart”, not losing essence of self. Every fibre of our being must remain intact. The world has to adjust to accommodate one and not the other way around.

Yes, that aha moment when you realise that hope does indeed seek and find you even in the darkest moment. However, do we always need to wind up in a cell, tortured mentally and emotionally to realise we are not living up to our fullest potential though?

Let us master the art of being unapologetic in our quest to live a wholesome life. When achieved we will find ourselves in a place that proves ultimately good for us always. We are born as birds of paradise, beautiful, colorful with a thirst and hunger for adventure, we should never allow those who have chosen to be grey like pigeons ground us.

Suffice it to say;

  1. “Don’t ever let somebody tell you you can’t do something not even me. Alright? Your dream, you gotta protect it. People can’t do something themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want something go get it. Period.”

………………….And you don’t have to change a thing the world can change its heart. Disabled, dark, short, tall, light, slim the list goes on, never change who you are to accommodate the world for there are ……..“ No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we are beautiful!”

  1. Alessia Cara, Scars to your beautiful
  2. Max Lucado, Christian Author
  3. Chris Gardner, from The Pursuit of happiness
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Life will knock you down as many as it can when given the opportunity, taking you through trials you don’t expect to come out of , through sadness, failures and disappointments but what matters is how one picks themselves up and starts again.

As she stood at her mother’s bedside, watching her lay on that hospital bed Nicole did not expect to be where she was with her mother that faithful day and although she stood there watching helplessly knowing in her heart that her life was never going to be the same again as she witnessed her mother take in her last breath and close her eyes what is made to be eternity. The tears rolled down her cheeks as she knew that it would be the last time she spoke, hugged or kissed her mother. Nicole felt it was end of her life at 9 years old she lost the most important person in her life, “she lost all hope”. Nicole was now forced to go and stay with her aunt who was not ready for the responsibility of taking care of an orphaned child but because no other family members wanted that responsibility, her aunt was intern forced to take her under her care.

As Nicola was growing up life was not an easy road for her, going to school for her was just another day (when she could go to school) as she was popular but all for the wrong reasons, now that she had given up on life because it was unbearable staying with her aunt who ill-treated her and always reminded her of how she would never be worth anything in life, with all hope lost and not one person to turn too Nicole remembered her mother and the verse she used to always read her as a young girl, which was from the book of PSALMS 121 “THE LORD IS YOUR HELPER AND KEEPER NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION IS” this made her stronger and she never gave up. She picked up the pieces of her life and when she old enough she managed to get a job and she was able to move out of her aunt’s house and sent herself to collage with the help of GOD and always expecting happiness and joy in her life. Although she went through hard times growing Nicole always is grateful for that cause it made her stronger.

“If you expect and accept the bad in this life you will never see the light after the end of the tunnel, but if you expect and accept the good then you will always see the light after the tunnel.”

This story about Nicole is something a lot of orphaned children experience, some even worse but at the end of the day one should know that the LORD looks after his children and that this life we live today has its own expectations but if you have great expectations and you believe in yourself and that you worth much more, no matter how difficult your situation is, you will always rise above it, by never giving up and surrounding yourself with people who uplift and encourage you at all times.

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For a long time now women have been advocating and encouraging each other to be comfortable in their own skin, not to feel the pressure to wear makeup because it’s all in your head, but is this true?

Recently Twitter was on fire with the #RuvhenekoChallenge where Radio Personality and TV Talk Show Host Ruvheneko Parirenyatwa was trolled over a recent picture with no makeup.

When will women catch a break? If it’s not about their weight, it’s about being wife material, acting like a lady or pleasing men. Nothing is ever perfect. A whole article was written over makeup less Ruvheneko! Is she supposed to have a face beat every time she steps out of the house?

She responded subtly which then blew out into a challenge with influencers like Misred, KVG, Sokostina and Madam Boss posting their images with no makeup too in solidarity with their own.

Ruvheneko Parirenyatwa


Women are spending so much money on foundation, eye shadows, eyeliners etc to look good. If you do not put on makeup you may be considered as someone that does not care about their appearance.

Did you know?

  • 28% of women lack confidence without it
  • 17% said they’d cancel a date if makeup was not handy
  • National average for girls to start wearing makeup is 11 years old.
  • Average makeup wearing woman spends 15-20 min
  • Both portrayed as “beautiful” in the media.
  • Tabloids use off guard pictures to show “What happens when you take off makeup”.

Over a third of women believe their significant other would not have been attracted to them if they hadn’t been wearing makeup. One in ten would never let their partner see them without a full face on.

Some women get up early so that they can put makeup on before their partner can see them. It is very disturbing that women do not feel comfortable enough to let the person they are in love with see their true appearance.

In terms of how this can change, I don’t see any solution that makes a real difference other than a shift in the general perception of women who don’t use it.

If we really want to create a fair society in practice, we need to be more welcoming of women who go to work, social events, dinners, etc. without makeup on.

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Torn, will worn, hope gone and faith forsakes you. Seated in a dark corner crying your eyes out, feeling trapped and cursed, this is not the first time. Abused, betrayed and butchered to a point of no redemption. Scarred, frightened by every little thing, you cannot find peace. Heart breaks as you observe this old self through a time capsule that shows events of life’s past. Through this somewhat magical historical window you watch the “precious one”. Advancing closer to this budding hurt version of yourself, heart beating as you know this is against the rules of the capsule, you whisper to them;

“Precious one, a life so loved

That left footprints in my heart

Now a treasure to my soul

Oh precious one,

Your life had just begun

So live forever more

May your memory flow with the waters

And so long my love

Although I hadn’t had enough

Enjoy your life beyond

As long as you are now happier

I’ll let go”

 You can walk away and choose to remember no more. Oh how you have grown! It is easier to whisper such now as with age came wisdom. Understanding that you carve your own sculptor and you have one thing in mind;

“Don’t let others define you. Don’t let the past confine you. Take charge of your life with confidence and determination and there are no limits on what you can do and be”

Living in the past is something we do all too well as beings. We never want to let go. Let go of the pain, hurt, betrayal and anything and everything that made us feel inadequate. Being told we were failures growing up at times leads to one becoming just that instead of noting the power they have to alter the script.Of course we cannot alter how the precious one was made to feel, inadequate, a loser, and the works! However, we can change how we want to feel for the rest of our lives. It is important to note life is what we make it. I learnt this when;

“I bargained with Life for a penny

And Life would pay no more

However, I begged at evening

When I counted my scanty score

For Life is a just employer,

He gives you what you ask

But once you have set the wages

Why must you bear the task

I worked for a menial’s hire

Only to learn dismayed

That any wage I had asked of Life

Life would have willingly paid” 

Beyond a shadow of doubt, we are the authors of our book called Life. We determine the words and sentences that go on every page. Certainly obstacles will be faced leading to a writer’s block or pages and chapters we would never want to revisit. Regardless, the book needs to be written to the very last page. Being an author entails none can ever take your place thus you need to see the book through bearing in mind none can take away what you desire to go on each page.

Oh precious one enjoy your life beyond as long as you are now happier I’LL LET GO.

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