Self Development

Growing up we used to have a clap-back for the boys who would tout at us. “Usuzithande waqeda yini usuzothanda mina?”, meaning “have you loved yourself enough before you decided to love me?”. Back then, it was just us telling the boys to “buzz off!”. But, as we grew older and looking back at it now, we realise there was more meaning to it than we realised. This was not just a simple question, and it raises so many questions and meaning into it. Do you love yourself enough to know you can love someone else? Do you care for yourself enough to know you have enough care for others? Before you pour into others, is your cup full?

Time and again, life lessons have proven to us that you cannot give what you do not have, nor act upon something, when your energy is depleted. The same applies to personal relationships. Building a healthy relationship requires you to be healthy yourself in the first place. You cannot take care of others, while you also need care for yourself. The phrase “you cannot pour from an empty cup” has a lot to do with self care. If anything, it should be the first rule when it comes to building and maintaining relationships. Take care of yourself first, before you can take care of others. The same goes in love. You cannot love others when you do not love yourself.

When you are depleted you cannot offer our best selves to the world. You have to be mindful of our own needs and ensure that you are taking care of ourselves first. This means taking time for self-care, getting enough rest and eating a healthy diet. It also means taking time for the things you enjoy, such as spending time with friends and family or engaging in hobbies.

It is also important to recognise when you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed. This can be a sign that you are in need of some self-care and it is important to take the time to focus on your own needs. When things get overwhelming and you cannot seem to catch up with your own self, take a break from what demands the most of you. Disconnect from the hustle and bustle of life, and catch your breath. This will help you reset and restore your personal energy. It does not have to cost you so much.

The most important to remember is that you cannot give what you do not have. Unless you refill what has been depleted, you cannot continue giving. You cannot pour from an empty cup. You have to make sure to take care of yourself so that you can give your best to the world. Besides, how will you know how to love and care for others, when you do not know how to do it to yourself? Unless, if you are toxic.

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Well, it has become a very common thing amongst women. Their scars are holding them back from being great people that they are fashioned to be. I was a low self-esteemer some time back.

Thinking back to times when I exhibited signs of how little I valued myself. Wherever I was, I felt like somebody was looking at the extra fat under my arm, the braces on my teeth or the different eyes I have. One thing that seriously bogs my mind is that there is totally nothing I could do about that.

We tend to always be humiliated for the things we can’t change. You didn’t choose to be too tall, dark, short, stout, albino or too thin. You didn’t choose to have the facial deformities or to be disabled. There was a time I was overweight and got emotionally abused because of that. Growing up, tons of people would look at me and point fingers at my body. I always felt uncomfortable and as a result, I became self-conscious to every possible relationship I had a shot at and constantly thought society was judging me for who I was.

At a point, I felt as if all I did was a failure ,or would end up being one.

Although I wasn’t quite aware at the time but I was extremely introverted and shy. I would spend all my time alone, although surrounded by people, dreaming of the “could be” me. I experienced a lot of misfortunes due to my inability to appreciate myself enough and work towards achieving my goals despite of what people said about me.
I sat alone and thought, “What do I do now? How do I fight the low confidence disease so that I can stop it from tainting all areas of my life?”

For me building a sustainable confidence involved two main things:

1. Accepting who I was, the good and the bad.

I analysed my strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. I began to realise how influential I could be. I began to realise how I could use my weaknesses to enhance my strengths. I started to unveil the story that was told by my scars and used it as a powerful tool to help other young women. What you undergo is extremely powerful and can transform the way people see the world. It is up to you to be strong enough to disregard these negative connotations others bring upon you.

2.Challenging the past and the beliefs I held about myself

That was the hardest part, but it is where all the healing happens. I built my self worth by letting go, by giving myself permission to move on, to be happy and to reinvent myself.

If, like me, you have lived under the shadows of self doubt and self unappreciation, you would know how painful low esteem can be. It may come with a myriad of other side effects like constipation, comparison to others, negative self image, “what are they gonna say” syndrome, mind trap, fear of judgment and criticism (even if it’s constructive) and various other effects.

Make it your choice today to free yourself from the yoke of low self esteem and let doors begin to open in your life

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For things to change for you , you’ve got to change!

Even if you run your own business or work for someone, you never go wrong by working on yourself.

Simple things like changing your attitude, the way your present yourself to others, your smile and even the way you give a handshake… work on that.

The only way it gets better for you is when you get better!

The reason I write about personal development is not because I’m already there, I’m a work in progress. I guess it is like that for everyone, there is no destination when it comes to personal development because there is alwasy room for improvement, bettering yourself is a manner of travelling.

Wanting to be better or achieving certain things in life both start with a thought. Our minds are very powerful tools, feeding them positively is the first thing we need to do, the next step is to start working gradually towards what we want to achieve…the action.

Your list could be long or simple but taking necessary steps to achieve these goals is very important. Don’t we all write down New Year’s resolutions or a simple to-do list for the day and only do some of the tasks or none at all because we failed to execute the action part of the process?

I am  learning that it’s better to be slow, effective, and consistent, taking small actions every single day than to bite off more than you can chew. Biting of more than you can chew results in failure and loss of motivation. A famous quote by Robert Louis says,

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest your reap, but by the seeds that you plant.”

You know your goals, you know what you want to achieve , you know the areas you need to work on and change. Whatever you put your mind to – you can achieve, just take those baby steps and before you know it we’re ticking off our lists of achievements. Now doesn’t that sound exciting?

We can’t change the seasons but we learn how to adapt to them but we can surely change ourselves!

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An unprecedented worldwide lockdown is a history in the making. Although this is a very difficult time it is time we adapted to this environment by getting through this period, better and unaffected as much as possible. Besides spending quality time with family completing household chores and just unwinding from the stress of work they are a couple of things one can do to improve oneself as a whole.


E-learning, utilizing online learning platforms to develop one’s skills and learning new things is a great way to reinvent yourself for the post-pandemic work , online platforms like Coursera, Udemy and edx can offer many online courses from top universities from all over the world for free. If you did not know famous singer Shakira recently completed a philosophy course from the University of Pennsylvania during the lockdown personally! That’s inspiring and I’m definitely looking into taking up a few courses online they say “Practice What You Preach😁.” With schools still being closed primary, secondary and Universities are utilizing e-learning to the fullest. Learning never stops!


Secondly reading is one of the most underrated activities nowadays as most remain hooked to TV, phone and computers. Reading is a great way to broaden perspective and writing skills while also learning. I personally find reading to a book difficult as I’m always busy with house chores and my children. If I don’t find time to sit down to read, apps like audible provide a wide range of audiobooks while on the go or busy with something all you do is listen!

Thirdly networking digitally is a great way to stay in touch, start and develop relationships with acquaintances and new people. Businesses have found opportunities to market and sell they products online. These can be done through media platforms like Instagram, Facebook, Twitter WhatsApp , Zoom just to name a few.

While some see this as a painful period to get through others just consider this a great opportunity for self development and personal growth. We have to realize that this is probably the most amount of time we could get to spend by ourselves in our lifetime let us make the most of it!

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I love being a woman and being a mother puts the icing on the cake for me.

Most people, not just women, believe that once you become a mother – it can no longer be about you, your life must revolve around your children. For some people, motherhood means dreams being shattered, life stopping completely for them and an end to all pursuits of self-actualisation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving your children all the love and attention they need, do that, by all means! (We have enough serial killers and psychopaths in this world as it stands) However, it is problematic when you bend over backwards for your kids and do not take the time to look after yourself.

There is no shame in wanting to be a better person, parent, employee or business owner. Remember, continually striving to be better is possibly one of the best examples you could set for your children. Never stop learning, never stop dreaming and never quit!

Life moves so quickly and I would hate to have regrets. I don’t want to have more “I-should-haves” than “I-dids”. Raising three children while trying to learn as much as I can – is daunting, no doubt, but it is possible. Last year I wanted to learn gardening, which I did with the help of good ol’ google and my little people (kids). It was very therapeutic and I got to bond with my children. My oldest has now fallen in love with gardening and is tending to his vegetable garden. I can safely say I’ve hit two birds with one stone.


The harsh economic climate jolted me to start looking for greener pastures in terms of my job. I chose or rather was forced to take a job that involved me being away from my children for six months for the sake of our livelihood (I would be getting a higher salary and the opportunity to travel) It was the hardest decision to make.

Did it make me feel a bit selfish?


However, the reward was fulfilling as I provided for my children and my biggest dream to travel and see new places was finally a reality. I appreciated every moment and everything I had in my life. I even grew spiritually and now have an amazing relationship with God!

I want to learn more, a new language perhaps? I want to study a course and travel more and I’m sure I can do all that while still being the amazing mom that I am.


To the mom reading this: Never stop learning and going for what you think you need to better yourself ! You will still have time to be an amazing mom to your little humans. I have no reason to have any hard feelings towards my kids because while looking after them, I am still looking after me. Remember a happy mom = happy kids. You will thank me later.

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