Will somebody please call an ambulance! Actually wait, I forgot to introduce myself, hie I’m La Louve and I suffer from post coital dysphoria or at least I used to. Post Coital Dysphoria (PCD) is also known as Post Coital Tristesse in France (I’m kidding, I have no idea what they call it in France however triste is French for sad, anyway I digress).
Post-coital dysphoria(PCD) is a condition that can cause an intense feeling of sadness, anger and anxiety after sex most likely after orgasm. pic.twitter.com/VEv8OT5oGy
— Vagina_care (@vagina_care) November 17, 2021
PCD entails being engulfed by sheer sadness and despair after testing the mattress (okay so my definition is a little over the top but it got your attention, didn’t it?) Moving on, it is usually attributed to a dip in hormones (i.e. oxytocin – the love hormone) after a sexual activity. I guess you could compare it to the aftermath of a sugar rush, you know coming off a high. It includes but is not limited to irritability, sadness, crying, and feeling like you’ve been “used” sound familiar?
So why does it happen?
The reasons differ from person to person but they may include:
- Personal values, religious beliefs, etc.
- One’s feelings about sex i.e. embarrassment, anxiety and even paranoia, this could cause you to feel vulnerable and restless afterwards,
- One’s feelings about their partner perhaps you want to be more than just casual lovers (?)
- Unrealistic expectations about sex (You’ve been watching too much Fifty Shades haven’t you?). On a serious note, if you envisioned rose petals and eye contact only to end up with huffing and puffing, zero eye contact and an Uber waiting for you outside when you are done well that could be quite disheartening
You didn’t think I was just going to dump all of this on you and not give you a way out did you?
- Self-introspection – this involves digging deep and asking yourself why you feel the way you do: religious reasons perhaps? Did the act trigger past trauma?
- Physical check-up – Ask yourself if you feel safe, have you been hurt in any way?
- Open Communication – is there anything your partner can do to make you feel better? Is there somewhere else you would rather be? Is there anything you need? a bagel? a cuddle?
- Sexual Aftercare – this is perhaps the most important bit when it comes to love making.
sexual aftercare is so important please…
— ♡ (@nvrayvni) August 18, 2022
Sexual aftercare is checking in with your partner after consensual intercourse, it involves:
- Pillow talk – it is said that it builds an emotional connection after a primarily physical activity,
- Replenishing your body with fluids – water break anyone?
- Solitude – being alone with your thoughts and emotions might be what you need depending on what works for you.
Side bar – Aftercare originated from the BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism) community but applies to everyone who has sex and yes masturbation counts too. If you feel sad after finger painting clears throat or making it snow (if you know you know and if you don’t, you’re definitely too young to be reading this) try putting on your favourite comedy or watching a YouTube video or even snuggling up with a cup of hot cocoa. Aftercare is different for everyone and for some people aftercare is the best part of the entire experience.
That’s it from me folks, boink responsibly!