marriage for women

A lot of women and girls see marriage as some sort of emancipation. This stems from fairytale storylines about true love’s first kiss and living happily ever after thereafter. The truth is, marriage isn’t the freedom you think it is. It’s an intensification of all the things you thought you were running away from in your father’s house.

Quick question, why are we trying to be free from our parents’ houses so badly?

Young women are hardly afforded the opportunity to live by themselves before marriage. Some are even told that, “the only way you will leave this house is by marriage.” It’s almost as if a woman cannot be her own master. Even in the Bible, an unmarried woman must concern herself with the things of the Lord, when she marries, she must prioritise the things of her husband. You can’t catch a break to just be yourself. From being under her father she can only be passed onto being under her husband. In between the two, women need to experience life by themselves and they are not afforded that opportunity. This is why marriage isn’t as great as they’d like it to be.

Sexual emancipation

I’ve seen a tweet from a young woman who claimed she can’t wait to get married so that she may enjoy ‘legal sex.’ While it is legal, there’s a wide range of issues that come along with it. This is where you find out why so many married men are out in the streets with extra marital affairs. “When I get married, I’ll have sex everyday,” oh poor baby. Remember when you couldn’t wait to be an adult? How’s that working out for you?

Financial emancipation

Getting married does not automatically grant you access to his money. Maintance Court is based on this premise entirely. You could marry a rich man who is stingy. You can also marry a man who spends his whole paycheck at the pub/shebeen with his friends. There is a reason why money is one of the top three causes of divorce. The assured financial benefits of marriage are the bride price/lobola/roora which you will not get a single red cent of. Be wary of which voices are pressuring you into marriage, they may have financially vested interests which trump your best interests.

Spiritual Emancipation

If a woman is unmarried in her mid-thirties, the family will see it as a cause for concern and start a witch hunt for the underlying cause. Between pastors and witchdoctors, they have seen more prayers for marriage than for salvation and repentance. Unlike Disney princesses, marriage will not solve any of your issues, spiritual or otherwise. If an evil stepmother has cast a spell on you for being the fairest in the land, you will go into the marriage with those problems. Marriage is not a curse-breaker in any way, shape or form.

There’s a freedom that women are yearning for and it’s not found in marriage. You are tired of sharing your room with your siblings? In marriage, you will share your bed forever. You’re looking for your own sovereignty without yout parents but guess what? Marriage means that you now have 2 sets of parents to report to. The dishes you hated to do at your mom’s house, you now have to do them for all family functions which do not have professional catering. As the family sits kwejisaring by the dinner table, guess where you are, by the sink washing dishes. Enjoy your wedding day, it’s the first and last time you will enjoy the limelight, thereafter it’s the background for you by the sink or by the fire.


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