Don’t you just hate it when you are spilling your guts out to your best friend and then the very next day, they’ve blocked you?
No warning, nothing.
Like you meant so little to them you weren’t even worth an explanation.
I think I know where it stems from. I’ve narrowed it down to a couple of things which will be scattered throughout this lengthy blog post.
Why I think female friendships are important:
Ever wondered why women live longer than men?…you guessed it! I’m kidding please do not quote me on that it is definitely not scientifically proven.
- They allow you to be vulnerable – Women are social creatures, we love having people we can rely on. We love going on and on about that guy we’ve been texting or the new job we just got or the fancy apartment we just moved into.
- Free emotional support system – Nothing beats having someone to share similar life experiences with i.e., post grad blues, unemployment or financial dependency (if you are in your mid-twenties, you will probably relate)
- Improve your quality of life – Sincere and supportive female friends are the must have accessory for boosting your self-esteem in a society that prospers from women hating how they look.
What the internet tells us:
Cut off culture is disguised as “self-love” and claims to promote peace of mind but in all honestly the internet just loves a good cat fight otherwise they’d be nothing to tweet about.
- “You don’t owe anyone anything not even an explanation” – Please just stop. Queens of our calibre know how to communicate without being malicious and strive for conflict resolution in friendships.
- “Female relationships are not like romantic relationships” – Yes, they are. They require mutual effort. Schedule those phone calls, show genuine interest in their lives, ask about their well-being, reassure them where necessary, celebrate their accomplishments. The world is filled with so much uncertainty as it is you do not need that in your friendships
- “You don’t need anyone besides yourself” – We celebrate women who act like men, the ones that topple each other to get to the top. How can we rule the world if we’ve torn each other to shreds?
Did someone ask for a story time?
Nothing beats the loss of a female friend, heck I’ve lost three. Its heart wrenching when you’ve known someone your whole life and suddenly you don’t know how to reach them. Because I never got a chance to say any of these things to each of them, I’d like to take this opportunity to get a few things off my chest…
Dearest best friend(s)
I hate how one sided our friendship had become, how you made everything about yourself and never stopped to ask how I was doing. I hate that you still entertain my exes. I hate that you post the most hurtful things on your statuses after we argue. Most of all I hate how you did not defend me when I wasn’t around. I hate how you didn’t notice when I cried at work. I hate how you chose a guy over me, the same guy that violated me. I hate how I couldn’t be myself around you anymore for fear that you’d derail the conversation and make it about you. I hate how you think I stopped caring. I hate how you think I believe I am free of blame, more than anything I hate that I still love you, I just don’t know how to talk you.
Your ex-best friend
What the internet doesn’t tell us:
- The most painful thing about being ghosted by a friend is that you have to invent a reason for them leaving which in most cases is more hurtful than the actual reason.
- Friendships should not remain stagnant. Learn to grow, evolve and progress with your friends. You can’t be upset at a friend for not picking up their phone when there are demanding jobs, spouses, children, heck maybe they just didn’t have the energy to talk
- Avoid involving third parties in your squabbles this includes posting subs on your WhatsApp status. You don’t need advice from your mother to tell you how to fix a situation she was not involved in. Talk to your friend directly, don’t cut corners. Sibadala!!!
Tough pills to swallow
- If they make it clear that they want nothing to do with you its time to move on
- It’s easy to blame the other person, Start taking accountability and sharing your side of the blame.
- You don’t understand your own emotions and triggers as a result you end up losing someone important because you don’t spend enough time with yourself and ask the hard questions i.e., why did I react like that? Have I eaten? Is this trauma from a previous relationship? Is there a better way to convey my emotions in future?
- We have shallow relationships with our girlfriends. We want our friendships to be a fairy-tale but that’s not realistic. You will fight, you will have different pov’s, that’s normal. Don’t let the internet tell you otherwise. We are not meant to be clones of our friends otherwise you wouldn’t need them to begin with.
Queens should stick together. Let’s fight the patriarchy sis. There’s nothing in this world that can’t be solved with open communication and having both parties actively work towards addressing any issues. We can accomplish so much by doing away with the cattiness, I implore you to start building long lasting friendships that leave you feeling fulfilled and empowered.